3.1 Understanding feelings and behaviour
Understanding young children’s feelings and behaviour increases our capacity to be responsive rather than reactive. We shift from managing children’s behaviour to building and reinforcing children’s own self-regulation strategies.
Most young children interact first with parents or caregivers and later with teachers or early childhood educators. Dr. Joan Durrant, professor emerita of Community Health Sciences at the University of Manitoba, compares these relationships.
What does this imply for programs for young children?
What does this imply for the people who work both with children and with their families?
Next, listen as Durrant explains how respectful and responsive caregiving in the early years sets the foundation for positive and trusting relationships between caregivers and their child during adolescence.
Managing challenging behaviour
Barbara Kaiser is an early childhood consultant, author and speaker. In the next video, she proposes that children have an innate right to learn the skills they need to get along in the world and that punishment undermines that.
In the next two clips, Dr. Stuart Shanker explains how parents need to understand their own state of regulation before they can effectively support a child’s behaviour.
There are times when it can be very hard to respond appropriately to a child. In the next video, Kaiser explains that adults sometimes almost fear certain behaviours from children because they may not know how to respond. She describes these as “button pushers”. Kaiser recommends some strategies for dealing with these situations and stresses. Like Jean Clinton, Kaiser talks about the importance of staying calm and modelling appropriate actions.
In the next video, Kaiser explains that educators may not even realize that they are using the “timeout” strategy when they encounter challenging behaviours. She explores the pitfalls of this technique and suggests instead using calm, teachable moments to support the child.
Shanker and Kaiser have slightly different perspectives on the idea of a time out strategy to help children manage their emotions and behaviour. What are your thoughts on this?
How difficult is it for adults to compose themselves (switch from “red” brain to “blue brain”) when children’s behaviour is challenging? What might help?
Discussions about guiding children must also address the issue of discipline.
Durrant explains that the term discipline is sometimes mistakenly equated with punishment. In the first clip, she discusses the difference between punishment and discipline and how an adult can discipline to enhance a child’s learning, acting as a supportive mentor. In the second clip, she explains the beneficial outcomes when adults guide children positively. Before you watch the videos, think about what the word “discipline” means to you.
An implicit theme throughout these videos is that adults need to respect children’s feelings. Rosalie Favreau, a child life specialist at Children’s Hospital in Winnipeg, discusses a challenging situation involving parents who were dishonest with their child about an upcoming surgery in an effort to make it less traumatic.
Favreau talks about honesty being an important component of a trusting relationship. Why do you think this is the case?
What might happen to the attachment relationship if parents are deceptive?
How might it affect the child’s behaviour?
Previously, in this module, Dr. Kang Lee, from the University of Toronto, described his research on the development of lying. Children’s lying is often troubling for adults but Lee explains how it is a normal developmental advance. Dr. Lee relates some implications of his research by sharing recommendation for how adults should respond when a child lies.
Programs supporting emotional learning
Programs intended to help parents and educators better understand children’s feelings and behaviours emphasize practices that enhance a child’s self-regulation and reduce activities that are a drain on a child’s capacity to cope and be competent. The rest of this page introduces you to three such programs.
1. Circle of Security
Circle of Security is a prevention and intervention program for parents and caregivers to help understand children’s feelings and behaviours. Dr. Bob Marvin is the director of the Mary Ainsworth Attachment Clinic, and principal investigator on the team that developed the Circle of Security. Listen as he describes the approach.
In the next two videos, Marvin continues to describe the Circle of Security program, and how we can use it to support and respond to children’s needs in a positive and caring manner.
In this next video, Marvin describes the Circle of Repair, a useful strategy for caregivers to support children as they learn to self-regulate their emotions and overcome challenging situations.
How does a focus on helping a child organize their behaviours and feelings contribute to a child’s self-regulation skills?
Does Marvin recommend using behaviour management and consequences to address children’s challenging behaviour? Why or why not?
2. Positive Discipline in Everyday Life (PDEL)
Positive Discipline in Everyday Life (PDEL) is a rights-based, developmentally-appropriate, universal program designed to support parents, caregivers and teachers facing everyday challenges with children. Dr. Joan Durrant, clinical-child psychologist and Executive Director of Positive Discipline in Everyday Life, introduces the three aims of the PDEL program.
In the next two video clips, Durrant explains how the Positive Discipline program differs from other parenting programs, emphasizing a rights-based, universally targeted preventive approach useful for all individuals supporting children.
Guiding children’s behaviour is challenging for all parents but can be particularly difficult for families who have recently immigrated to a new country. With the additional stress of huge life changes, and often different societal expectations of children, families may struggle. The next video, from Families Canada, shows positive discipline approaches among newcomers to Canada.
Want to know more?
The Positive Discipline program is based on a core set of five building blocks.
Click on the videos below to hear Joan Durrant explain the first two building blocks of Positive Discipline – Identifying your long-term goals and Providing Warmth and Structure.
Durrant now describes the final two building blocks of Positive Discipline – Understanding how children think and feel and Problem-Solving.
To what extent do you think this program can facilitate caregivers to help children develop self-regulation?
The Positive Discipline program is one approach that can support children’s coping and competence abilities. Are you familiar with other approaches?
Another video related to positive discipline and newcomer families introduces the approach. This video, called An Introduction to Positive Discipline, is from Families Canada.
3. Shanker Self-Regulation Method
Dr. Stuart Shanker, founder and chief executive officer of The MEHRIT Centre, describes five steps to the Self-Reg (Self-Regulation) method: reframe the behaviour, recognize the stressors, reduce the stress, reflect, and respond.
The next link provides a graphic representation of the five steps.
Shanker outlines the 5 steps clearly. Can you see how you could apply these to deal with stressors in your own life?
How might this method change how you support a child who is stressed?
The MEHRIT Centre website contains a wealth of information about Shanker’s Self-Reg method including a Resource Library with information sheets, graphics, discussion guides, and more.
There are some excellent resources designed to help parents, caregivers and educators understand child development, including suggestions for supporting children’s feelings and behaviour. The Psychology Foundation of Canada is a mental health promotion organization. Explore their website for resources aimed at both parents and professionals.
