Russell – overcoming challenges to father engagement

I think there’s a lot of reasons why it would be difficult to engage with fathers.  And some of those things are going to be within the dads themselves.  So some guys might be resistant to help.  They might not see that there’s actually a benefit to reading a resource or going to a program or talking to a particular person.  So they don’t see the benefit of that maybe.  Peer pressure plays in to that sometimes too.  “What do my friends do with this issue?  Has anybody else I’ve seen gone and talked about being an involved dad with anybody or gone to parenting groups or play groups?” Things like that or whatever the support might be.   

So I think that’s also influenced by his own dad too.  What’s it been like for him to grow up?  How has he learned about interacting with kids?  How was he treated as a child?  Because a lot of times that’s going to be what carries over.  Dads are also influenced in terms of being engaged by mom.  Does mom, how does mom influence how a dad can spend time with his kids?  So there’s a lot of things there.  So there’s things within dad but I think there’s also things within programs. So are program’s speaking a father’s language?  Is it a father-friendly place?  Like when a guy walks in does he feel like, “oh yeah, I sort of see myself here.  It’s designed in a way that I can feel comfortable connecting with my kids and with other people”.   

Sometimes I’ve seen people who work with families a little too exuberant when a dad walks in.  It’s like, “whoa, we’ve got a guy!  Look at this!”  And they’re all excited and I think that just turns a guy off like it’s a little too much attention there.  So how dads are welcomed and kind of integrated in to the conversations that are going on, those are really significant things for engaging dads. Some people think about even the colours of the walls.  Is your family centre – are there pink walls? Kind of thing.  Like how is it decorated?  Are the posters things that actually reflect fatherhood in anyway?  What about the magazines and the resources that maybe he could access when he’s in the waiting room or just sitting there maybe watching his child play and there’s some resources there.  So is there something that he feels comfortable reading and looking over?