Durrant – intervening

Yeah well in situations where children are really doing things that are just not acceptable because they harm other people, they need to know that and there need to be clear limits to what is considered acceptable by the family, or the teacher or the caregiver. But I think that, in situations like that, it’s very important again to think ‘this is a disciplinary situation’. If I immediately think punishment, I might spank or yell or criticize or shame or humiliate or punish in some way whereas if I think of this as a disciplinary situation where I need to teach something very important then I approach it in a very different way. First I try to understand what is motivating the child’s behaviour. Why is the child bullying that other child? Is the child, you know, lacking in social skills and unable to express anger in an appropriate or less harmful way? Is the child lacking in empathy? Is the child failing at school and feeling a need for a sense of power? What is behind the behaviour?  

And if we understand that, then we can take action that will actually change the behaviour. And each of those motivations would lead to a different disciplinary response. But again discipline teaching. Discipline is communicating, explaining, giving information, helping children see another person’s point of view, and setting clear expectations but not in a way that exacerbates the situation which physical punishment generally does.